Back to School - Welcome Back Brain!

As this week ticks by, I find myself in a unique time warp* – Monday is Amelia’s second first day of kindergarten, or, were I a film writer, “Kindergarten, Part Deux: Mom Regains Brain Function”.

My most sincere wish (aside from my other sincere wish a few paragraphs down there ) is for Amelia to get to school and think to herself “aha! These are my people! Mom has never been so FUN! Oh my eyes, what have we been missing?!”


Really. No teary Jen collapsed in the dust (or in our case, gray slush) left behind the rapidly departing school bus. It has been far too long since Amelia has had normal kid-time, and too long since I’ve had the ability to be off-duty for a few hours. I have a little secret, you see…

Come closer.

I don’t like being a SAHM.

What’s more, I really suck at it.

Truly. No need to throw false compliments my way to assuage my bruised feminine ego. I no longer have the necessary brain bits to be good at making play dough and acting out Barbie roles. They were a bit stunted to begin with, actually.

It’s true that I enjoyed the baby days. I know that I did the right thing for my family by staying home with our girls as tater-tots. At that time, with my noggin bursting with post-birth bliss hormone, I actually liked play groups and walks with the stroller. I welcomed the challenge of gaining back some semblance of a pre-babe bod. I teared up at every developmental milestone achieved (those insidious hormones at work again), and relished preparing meals and keeping a clean home for my little family. Oh man, is that chick long gone.

But I’m okay with that. In her stead is someone that loves school and can’t wait to go back; a person that craves more snowy hikes with her canine children and needs more time cook and create art and to practice mandolin. This is the woman that I want my girls to model themselves after, not the drippy (literally and figuratively – TMI? Oh well, that’s motherhood for you), happy homemaker I was for a time after their births. I believe that all kids – but especially girls – need to see a woman unafraid to pursue her dreams (no matter her age) and one that is comfortable in her own skin and hips – even if those hips are holding up Carhartts instead of trendy butt-crack revealing jeans.

As Amelia heads off to begin her (long and fruitful) school career, I applaud her. She is conquering her fears, facing a world which never fails to give her bald head a second, surreptitious glance as she twirls by, and beginning her path toward confident, intelligent, independent womanhood – one which will be tough as nails because of the disease that has temporarily left her life wheels spinning. I hope that my kids do what they want to do in life, be it work, school, art, film making, prima ballerina, travelling, or even aspiring to SAHMdom. I want them to love their brains and what they are capable of – and now is the time for me to get to know my rapidly-graying melon again.



* Enjoy the link. Oh, how I want to be Magenta when I grow up! Does anyone else fantasize about a Tim Burton remake with Johnny Depp as Frank-N-Furter and Steve Buscemi as Riff-Raff? Do I have too much time on my hands?