Originally Posted Aug 22, 2009 9:05pm
Carpe Diem (Noun): The act of living for the moment and enjoying the present.
It’s been an interesting couple of weeks at the Betit homestead, weeks which staple to my forehead the greatest lesson of all – that when cancer is in your midst, you must live one moment at a time. Though “carpe diem” has become a bit cliché since Robert Sean Leonard shouted it from the summit of his desk in “Dead Poets Society” (a movie and an actor I do confess my love for), I have vowed to keep Horace’s notion at the forefront to anchor my mind in our new reality. Though I am fighting my own nature to adhere to this edict – I bear an intense and innate dislike of surprises of any sort – I have realized that to preserve order in our cosmos, I must be prepared for any and all surprises, and of greatest import, enjoy every possible calm moment, as it is likely to change in an instant.
Two weeks ago was our first encounter with the most common secondary problem experienced by kids with leukemia – bacterial infection. Amelia had a few days of fever, which resulted in a disastrous ER visit (FYI – make sure your local hospital understands proper hand washing), antibiotics, clinic follow-up, and finally admission to Barbara Bush Children’s for a few days of observation, blood cultures, and more antibiotics. Here’s the catch, though – she felt fine the whole time! All of this followed in rapid succession our move, an impending visit from my dad and Joyce, fundraising meetings, and our car needing work. Clearly the universe was having an ADD moment.
A wonderful thing that has arisen from our recent hospital stay was that Amelia had the opportunity to have a positive association with BBCH and her clinic – no pokes, no procedures, lots of time with the therapy dog, and a relatively empty floor, which translated to lots of undivided attention for my diva-in-training. She had her nails painted by Alice, the Child Life Assistant (pink toenails, black fingernails – obviously she has emerging punk tendencies), rode bikes all over the unit, and did everything but climb the walls for entertainment.
After all the fun we had, we were sent home on IV infusion antibiotics five times daily. As you can imagine, this makes for an unusual lifestyle, and one which causes sleep deprivation in Amelia’s nurse/mother (ahem). Fortunately, the germies appear to be fleeing as fast as their wee flagella can propel them. Tomorrow is Amelia’s last scheduled day of antibiotics – let’s hope for negative cultures!
Our week ahead includes visits to clinic on Monday and Friday for chemo, our meeting with her school on Tuesday, and hopefully some fun in between! This is our last week of summer vacation, and as is expected during this phase of chemotherapy, Amelia’s blood counts have plummeted, leaving her vulnerable to infections of all sorts. This leaves us in the challenging position of finding outdoor-only activities where she won’t be overexposed to the sun. Hmmm. Fortunately she has been feeling well, so her oncology team doesn’t feel it necessary to transfuse at this point. We shall see what Monday brings.
I have rambled enough for this evening. The time has come for me to perform my psychological yoga and go administer antibiotics to my sleeping kid – without disturbing her (breathe in… ooommmm… remove alcohol wipe…aahhhh…). Let’s all meditate on calm and hope that we’ve earned karmic flexibility. Horace and I will be on top of our desks shouting down the cosmos, ready for anything that the stars want to throw our way. Carpe Diem!
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