Jennifer Is…

Van Morrison’s mama said there’d be days like this. Mrs. Morrison was right. When they come, they smack hard. I don’t think my mood today really quite fits with “depression” – I prefer the quaintly vague “melancholy”. Doesn’t that lovely adjective conjure images of Victorian ladies, all bustled and corseted, discreetly spiking their afternoon tea with laudanum – all of them knowing that each other is hiding, but all feigning polite happiness nonetheless? Anyway, despite the sun and relatively warm temperature, I’m full of a gnashing discontent.

This is one of those days when I realize that the synapses that connected to make me a happy, functional, Donna Reed, zombie-stay-at-home-mommy several years ago have long ago fizzled out. That’s it. Expired. Kaput. Perished. Terminated. They bit the big one. But here I am, at home with my kids, without gainful employment that requires my physical presence in some other location away from this valley of a playroom and the mountains of laundry that surround it like a malodorous fortress. I can’t have a job such as that, no matter how much I covet it and the peace it would bring to my noggin. This is cancer, folks.

And so, inspired by Facebook and the dishonesty required when one is posting a status update (lest your friends find you to be a downer and hide you, in favor of someone else’s “how sexy is your hamster” quiz results), I have compiled a little list of my statuses for today. Hold on to your arses – I’m not usually so emotionally forthright (instead preferring to knock back some laudanum and force a narcotic grin). Here goes:

Jennifer is homesick for Ohio.

Jennifer is questioning whether there is wisdom to be found in procreation, or if she’s the only brain-dead mom out there that missed the school bus that day.

Jennifer wants to learn mandolin.

Jennifer thinks that sweating on a restaurant line would be a fantastic vacation.

Jennifer needs to exercise more.

Jennifer knows that this will pass…in a couple more years.

Jennifer wishes that she didn’t feel guilty for thinking of herself.

Jennifer doesn’t want to sanitize her thoughts before she expresses them, no matter how hard they might be for others to hear.

Jennifer loves her kids, but sometimes wishes they were canines.

Jennifer thinks that Central Maine is the portico to hell (even when she’s having a great day).

Jennifer probably should have censored that last thought.

Jennifer feels better after that hike in the sun.

Jennifer thinks that this is a good sign to hang about her neck today…

What is your status? And how sexy is your hamster?